There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. The farmer walks 
out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. "Shit! That was the 
only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" and he blows his brains out 
with a shotgun. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her 
husband and the dead cow, and hangs herself to death because she doesn't 
know what to do.

About an hour later, the younger sister comes home, sees the disturbing 
sights in the barn, and not being able to handle it, drowns herself in the 
river. It's at this time that the oldest son wakes up, he's about 32. He 
comes out to the barn to see where everyone is, and sees the sight on the 
ground. "Ah no, MA!! PA!! The cow! How could this happen, I'll do anything 
to bring them back, anything!" POOF A female leprechaun shows up, and tells 
the son "I'll bring your family back if you can fuck me five times, if you 
can't, I'll kill you." The son gets to it, he fucks the leprechaun twice and 
the leprechaun kills him.

Two hours later the middle son, about 25 years old returns, sees the sight 
in the barn and the leprechaun still hanging around. "Ahh, leprechaun what 
have you done!" to which the leprechaun replies "I'll bring your family back 
to life if you can fuck me five times, if you can't, I'll kill you." The son 
gets to it, he fucks the leprechaun three times and the leprechaun kills 
him.

Now, the youngest son comes home, he's about fifteen, he sees the sight in 
the barn, notices the leprechaun who again, says "I'll bring your family 
back to life if you can fuck me five times, if you can't, I'll kill you.". 
The son says "What if I fuck you fifteen times?" - "I'll give you riches 
beyond belief and bring your family back.." "And if I fuck you twenty 
times?" the leprechaun replies - "I'll make you King of Ireland, give you 
unlimited wealth and power in addition to bringing your family back." "And 
if I fuck you fifty times?" - the leprechaun, extremely excited, replies 
"I'll make you ruler of the world, bring your family back, unlimited wealth 
and power, anything you can dream of!" The son says "Alright" and takes his 
pants off. Before anything can happen he says "Wait, how do I know you'll 
survive" to which the leprechaun replies "What do you mean?" The son says, 
"The cow didn't."