Man:   Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor:   I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.


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Policeman:   Knock, knock.

Woman:   Who's there?

Policeman:   The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband 
has been killed.


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There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a 
jail cell.

Eventually they all starved to death.


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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To escape the Nazis.


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A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.


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Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly 
low self-esteem.



Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their 
appearance has a degree of gravitas.


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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.


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Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.


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Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men 
coming in and out of your wife's house."

The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her 
drug habit."

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.

However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.


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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.


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©Toxis