SO MUCH WIN :)

"Toxis@ze_yval_place" <tox@work.ble> wrote in message 
news:ikqgje$k0m$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
>
> (847):
> I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't 
> stop me.
>
> (1-847):
> How was it?
>
> (847):
> Fantastic, but that's not the point.
>
> --------
>
> Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the 
> titantic is syncing.'
>
> ----
>
> i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and 
> kept fucking me. i think im in love
>
> ----
>
> Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was 
> ordering take out from heaven.
>
> ----
>
> im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his 
> students are taking a test
>
> ----
>
> You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say 
> it was a book signing.
>
> ----
>
> So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my 
> nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my 
> boobs.
>
> ----
>
> before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with 
> smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own 
> brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
>
> ----
>
> awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. 
> explanation?
>
> (1-508):
> you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
>
> ---
>
> I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting 
> .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
>
> ---
>
> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified 
> of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
>
> (303):
> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
>
> ---
>
> so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would 
> freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in 
> this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up 
> to you'
>
> (740):
> i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
>
> ----
>
> Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
>
> ----
>
> He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got 
> his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
>
> ----
>
> I have two black x marks on my hands.
>
> (503):
> Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you 
> and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
>
> (971):
> damnit I wish I could remember that.
>
> --------
>
> A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached 
> to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
>
> ---
>
> Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously 
> walked over and hugged him.
>
> ---
>
> he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for 
> breaking up the beatles
>
> ---
>
> Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
>
> (1-931):
> Wtf? What happened?
>
> (931):
> Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me 
> home.
>
> ----
>
> Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
>
> (1-205):
> You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you 
> plays pranks on hungover you.
>
> (205):
> This explains so much.
>
> ----
>
> my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my 
> closet, saluted us and walked out.
>
> ----
>
> People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on 
> the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. 
> lolz
>
> ---
>
> He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set 
> it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff 
> meeting this morning.
>
> ---
>
>
> -- 
> ______
> ©Toxis
>