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Tomas M.

"Toxis@ze_yvil_place" <tox@work.ble> wrote in message 
news:h1nnb8$iof$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
> Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was 
> wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and 
> grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
> ------------------------------
> Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt 
> really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade 
> soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. 
> She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
> ------------------------------
> Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike 
> to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I 
> noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run 
> over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone 
> stole my bike. FML
> -------------------------------
> Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he 
> screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. 
> That's his sister. FML
> ---------------------------------
> Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a 
> potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, 
> it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy 
> assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young 
> guy. FML
> ---------------------------------
> Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he 
> was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
> ---------------------------------
> Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I 
> arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while 
> having sex. FML
> ---------------------------------
> Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found 
> out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML
> -----------------------------------
> Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a 
> word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, 
> unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no 
> matter how many times I told them "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML
> -----------------------------------
> Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over 
> getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she 
> wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. 
> FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed 
> with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because 
> you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." 
> FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, my gf and I were planning to have dinner plans at 6. I called her 
> at 6:09 asking where she was [i was at the restaurant waiting] and she 
> said "I'm at mcdonalds with jessica.. call u later?" I then had to get my 
> waiter to tell him to remove the ring from the dessert so I could go home. 
> FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the 
> size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in 
> closet. FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, my entire family blamed me for the death of my grandpa, because I 
> didn't go to church this morning. I didn't go to church because I was the 
> only one who volunteered to stay with him that night, because everyone 
> else wanted to go play on my uncle's new Wii. FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, I was arrested because my 6 year old son called the police saying 
> that I was hitting my wife and that she was crying. My wife and I were 
> having sex. FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box 
> of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left 
> and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML
> ------------------------------------
> Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by 
> my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf 
> and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
> -------------------------------------
>
> -- 
> ___________
> ©Toxis