A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 qts of low fat milk a carton of eggs 2 qts of orange juice a head of lettuce half a dozen tomatoes a 14oz jar of coffee a 1lb pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her seven items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly." - A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages." - What's the difference between a duck? - What's shorter than a Jewish man's penis? A black man's to-do list. - Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia, Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00, we'll send you the video, its hilarious as hell. - So an Arab walks into a bar. There were no survivors. - A Mexican and a black guy are in a car, whos driving? The cop. - What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon. - So a man and his wife are out playing golf until the wife hit's the ball through the window of a building. They decide that going up to the owner of the house and apologizing would be the right thing to do. They walk into the house and inside they find a man sitting in a chair next to a lamp on the floor which was now broken. The man then says, "Thank you, you have freed me from the lamp. I am a genie and for my freedom I will grant each of you a wish." At this, both the husband and wife jump for joy. The husband asks for a vast amount of wealth, and the wife asks for luxurious homes. The genie agrees to grant both wishes. "But under one condition" he says "I must first sleep with your wife." The couple look reluctant at first but quickly oblige because they wanted that wealth quite badly. So the wife gives a quick kiss to her husband and walks into a room with the genie. After a long hour of intercourse, the genie and the wife were laying the bed. He asks: "How old are you?" "34." She replies. "34 and you still believe in genies?" And with that he quickly took off. - A man is going down the street, it's a very warm day, he sees a black woman standing by a bus sign, he goes over to her and says "I'm sorry to inform you about this but" he points at a dogshit lying on the ground "it seems that your child couldn't stand the heat." - As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". - What do you call a Jewish boy? Ash.