+


 Tomas M.

"Dedmytas" <Dedmytas@gmail.com> wrote in message 
news:ie3d2l$mnc$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
> A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
>
> 2 qts of low fat milk
> a carton of eggs
> 2 qts of orange juice
> a head of lettuce
> half a dozen tomatoes
> a 14oz jar of coffee
> a 1lb pack of bacon
>
> As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A drunk 
> standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the 
> cashier.
> While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly 
> stated,"You must be single."
> The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued 
> by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at 
> her seven items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her 
> selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
> Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, 
> you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
>
> The drunk replied,    "Cause you're ugly."
>
> -
>
> A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up 
> ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he 
> was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling 
> her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went 
> back to reading his book.
>
> The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was 
> confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies 
> off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was 
> foreplay for something a bit heavier".
>
> The husband said,    "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could 
> turn the pages."
>
> -
>
> What's the difference between a duck?
>
> -
>
> What's shorter than a Jewish man's penis?
>
> A black man's to-do list.
>
> -
>
> Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia, 
> Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes 
> seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to 
> school.
> If you can send just $2.00, we'll send you the video, its hilarious as 
> hell.
>
> -
>
> So an Arab walks into a bar.
> There were no survivors.
>
> -
>
> A Mexican and a black guy are in a car, whos driving?
> The cop.
>
> -
>
> What's faster than a speeding bullet?
>
> A Jew with a coupon.
>
> -
>
> So a man and his wife are out playing golf until the wife hit's the ball 
> through the window of a building. They decide that going up to the owner 
> of the house and apologizing would be the right thing to do. They walk 
> into the house and inside they find a man sitting in a chair next to a 
> lamp on the floor which was now broken. The man then says,
>
> "Thank you, you have freed me from the lamp. I am a genie and for my 
> freedom I will grant each of you a wish."
>
> At this, both the husband and wife jump for joy. The husband asks for a 
> vast amount of wealth, and the wife asks for luxurious homes. The genie 
> agrees to grant both wishes.
>
> "But under one condition" he says "I must first sleep with your wife."
>
> The couple look reluctant at first but quickly oblige because they wanted 
> that wealth quite badly. So the wife gives a quick kiss to her husband and 
> walks into a room with the genie.
>
> After a long hour of intercourse, the genie and the wife were laying the 
> bed. He asks:
>
> "How old are you?"
>
> "34." She replies.
>
> "34 and you still believe in genies?" And with that he quickly took off.
>
> -
>
> A man is going down the street, it's a very warm day, he sees a black 
> woman standing by a bus sign, he goes over to her and says "I'm sorry to 
> inform you about this but" he points at a dogshit lying on the ground "it 
> seems that your child couldn't stand the heat."
>
> -
>
> As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically 
> and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
>
> She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who 
> is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
>
> A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
>
> -
>
> What do you call a Jewish boy?
> Ash.