super :)
dar

"Toxis@ze_yvil_place" <tox@work.ble> wrote in message 
news:haco26$vi2$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
> You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number
> Call Center | Chatsworth, CA, USA
> (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s 
> number.)
>
> Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”
>
> Customer: “How much for my daughter?”
>
> Me: “Um…”
>
> Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”
>
> Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”
>
> Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”
>
> Me: “Adult websites.”
>
> Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Tech Support | Canada
> (Note: I help callers with connection problems to our wireless zones along 
> train lines.)
>
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
>
> Caller: “I can’t access your network!”
>
> Me: “I’m sorry about that, let me help you. Where are you currently, sir?”
>
> Caller: “I’m traveling in between [city] and [another city].”
>
> Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but there is maintenance being done in that zone. 
> You will have to wait 20 minutes until you are back in a working zone.”
>
> Caller: “What can I do?”
>
> Me: “Just wait till the train is a bit farther on, and you will have a 
> connection again.”
>
> Caller: “This is terrible! Where’s your manager?”
>
> Me: “Sir, it’s 4 am so I’m the only one working.”
>
> (The customer hangs up, but then calls back again.)
>
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
>
> Caller: “F***!”
>
> (Once again, he hangs up, and once again, he calls back.)
>
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
>
> Caller: “F***!”
>
> (Again, he hangs up, and again, he calls back.)
>
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
>
> Caller: “Look, I have some important stuff to watch here. Can you fix the 
> internet?”
>
> Me: “If you just wait 10 minutes sir, your internet will work again.”
>
> Caller: “So, in my zone, there’s no internet?”
>
> Me: “That’s right, sir.”
>
> Caller: “Can’t you move the satellite so I do have internet?”
>
> Me: “You want me to go into space and move the satellite?”
>
> Caller: *cheerily* “Yeah, that’s right!”
>
> Me: “Umm…well, that might take me a little bit of time, sir. I’ll have to 
> call NASA and they’re very busy these days.”
>
> Caller: “Oh. How long do you think it’ll take?”
>
> Me: “About 10 minutes.”
>
> Caller: “That’s great! Thank you.” *hangs up*
>
> -----------------------------
>
> Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”
>
> Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”
>
> Me: “Why do you ask?”
>
> Customer: “Are you?”
>
> Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”
>
> Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”
>
> Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the 
> clerk?”
>
> Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my 
> money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, 
> she’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”
>
> Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”
>
> Me: *surprised* “What for?”
>
> Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying 
> for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag 
> while you were fetching me.”
>
> (The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)
>
> Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice 
> the devil putting them there!”
>
> ------------------------------
>
> (Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another 
> male customer while I read a book.)
>
> Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”
>
> Me: “That’s nice.”
>
> Male customer: “So can I have your number?”
>
> Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”
>
> Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”
>
> Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”
>
> Male customer: “That’s bulls***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have 
> sex with women!”
>
> Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”
>
> Male customer: “You’re lying to me, that’s very rude! I’m going to 
> complain!”
>
> Male customer, to a waitress: “That girl over there is being really rude. 
> I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me 
> and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”
>
> Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”
>
> Male customer: “Just do something about it!”
>
> Waitress, to me: “Hello, there.”
>
> Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”
>
> Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”
>
> Male customer: *looks horrified*
>
> Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”
>
> (I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)
>
> Waitress, to male customer: “See? She’s a lesbian.”
>
> Male customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to 
> ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your 
> manager!”
>
> Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you 
> though if you want?”
>
> Male customer: *storms out cursing*
>
> (It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she 
> wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)
>
> --------------------------------------
>
> Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
>
> Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”
>
> (I hand him the cigarettes.)
>
> Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.
>
> Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”
>
> Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes 
> causing impotency.”
>
> Me: “Ok. Do you want ’smoking harms those around you,’ or ’smoking causes 
> testicular cancer?’”
>
> Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”
>
> ----------------------------
>
> (A customer comes to the gas station register and hands me their credit 
> card immediately.)
>
> Customer: “I was looking at the liters display instead of the price.”
>
> Me: “Yeah, I hate when that happens. Let’s see what your total is.”
>
> Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t have to pay anymore than the $20 I wanted to 
> put in.”
>
> Me: “Sorry, but it doesn’t work like that.”
>
> Customer: “That’s bulls***! I’m just going to drive off! Good luck getting 
> your money!” *drives off without paying*
>
> (I call the police who arrive ten minutes later, which is coincidentally 
> when the customer returns–in his haste to drive off, he had forgotten to 
> take back his credit card.)
>
> Customer: “You stole my credit card, you a**hole!”
>
> Me: “Just give me a second sir. I’m in the middle of reporting a drive-off 
> to these police officers.”
>
> Customer: “Haha! So I’m not the only one to do a drive-off from here?”
>
> Police: “Today you are. Please come with us, sir.”
>
> ---------------------
>
>
> -- 
> ___________
> ©Toxis