+++ dar

-- 
Mitsubishi Eclipse '94 2.0 DOHC 16V
"Toxis@ze_yvil_place" <tox@work.ble> wrote in message news:haco26$vi2$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
> You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number
> Call Center | Chatsworth, CA, USA
> (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)
> 
> Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”
> 
> Customer: “How much for my daughter?”
> 
> Me: “Um…”
> 
> Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”
> 
> Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”
> 
> Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”
> 
> Me: “Adult websites.”
> 
> Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”
> 
> ------------------------------
> 
> Tech Support | Canada
> (Note: I help callers with connection problems to our wireless zones along train lines.)
> 
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
> 
> Caller: “I can’t access your network!”
> 
> Me: “I’m sorry about that, let me help you. Where are you currently, sir?” 
> 
> Caller: “I’m traveling in between [city] and [another city].”
> 
> Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but there is maintenance being done in that zone. You will have to wait 20 minutes until you are back in a working zone.”
> 
> Caller: “What can I do?”
> 
> Me: “Just wait till the train is a bit farther on, and you will have a connection again.”
> 
> Caller: “This is terrible! Where’s your manager?”
> 
> Me: “Sir, it’s 4 am so I’m the only one working.”
> 
> (The customer hangs up, but then calls back again.)
> 
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
> 
> Caller: “F***!”
> 
> (Once again, he hangs up, and once again, he calls back.)
> 
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
> 
> Caller: “F***!”
> 
> (Again, he hangs up, and again, he calls back.)
> 
> Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
> 
> Caller: “Look, I have some important stuff to watch here. Can you fix the internet?”
> 
> Me: “If you just wait 10 minutes sir, your internet will work again.”
> 
> Caller: “So, in my zone, there’s no internet?”
> 
> Me: “That’s right, sir.”
> 
> Caller: “Can’t you move the satellite so I do have internet?”
> 
> Me: “You want me to go into space and move the satellite?”
> 
> Caller: *cheerily* “Yeah, that’s right!”
> 
> Me: “Umm…well, that might take me a little bit of time, sir. I’ll have to call NASA and they’re very busy these days.”
> 
> Caller: “Oh. How long do you think it’ll take?”
> 
> Me: “About 10 minutes.”
> 
> Caller: “That’s great! Thank you.” *hangs up*
> 
> -----------------------------
> 
> Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”
> 
> Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”
> 
> Me: “Why do you ask?”
> 
> Customer: “Are you?”
> 
> Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”
> 
> Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”
> 
> Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”
> 
> Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, she’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”
> 
> Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”
> 
> Me: *surprised* “What for?”
> 
> Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”
> 
> (The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)
> 
> Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice the devil putting them there!”
> 
> ------------------------------
> 
> (Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another male customer while I read a book.)
> 
> Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”
> 
> Me: “That’s nice.”
> 
> Male customer: “So can I have your number?”
> 
> Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”
> 
> Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”
> 
> Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”
> 
> Male customer: “That’s bulls***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have sex with women!”
> 
> Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”
> 
> Male customer: “You’re lying to me, that’s very rude! I’m going to complain!”
> 
> Male customer, to a waitress: “That girl over there is being really rude. I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”
> 
> Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”
> 
> Male customer: “Just do something about it!”
> 
> Waitress, to me: “Hello, there.”
> 
> Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”
> 
> Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”
> 
> Male customer: *looks horrified*
> 
> Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”
> 
> (I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)
> 
> Waitress, to male customer: “See? She’s a lesbian.”
> 
> Male customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your manager!”
> 
> Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you though if you want?”
> 
> Male customer: *storms out cursing*
> 
> (It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)
> 
> --------------------------------------
> 
> Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
> 
> Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”
> 
> (I hand him the cigarettes.)
> 
> Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.
> 
> Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”
> 
> Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”
> 
> Me: “Ok. Do you want ’smoking harms those around you,’ or ’smoking causes testicular cancer?’”
> 
> Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”
> 
> ----------------------------
> 
> (A customer comes to the gas station register and hands me their credit card immediately.)
> 
> Customer: “I was looking at the liters display instead of the price.”
> 
> Me: “Yeah, I hate when that happens. Let’s see what your total is.”
> 
> Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t have to pay anymore than the $20 I wanted to put in.”
> 
> Me: “Sorry, but it doesn’t work like that.”
> 
> Customer: “That’s bulls***! I’m just going to drive off! Good luck getting your money!” *drives off without paying*
> 
> (I call the police who arrive ten minutes later, which is coincidentally when the customer returns–in his haste to drive off, he had forgotten to take back his credit card.)
> 
> Customer: “You stole my credit card, you a**hole!”
> 
> Me: “Just give me a second sir. I’m in the middle of reporting a drive-off to these police officers.”
> 
> Customer: “Haha! So I’m not the only one to do a drive-off from here?”
> 
> Police: “Today you are. Please come with us, sir.”
> 
> ---------------------
> 
> 
> -- 
> ___________
> ©Toxis