Julijable :D

"Toxis@ze_yvil_place" <tox@work.ble> wrote in message news:hacvu3$cav$1@trimpas.omnitel.net...
> dar keli:
> Call Center | Beaverton, OR, USA
> Me: “Thank you for calling *hiccup!* how may I *hiccup!* help you?”
> 
> Customer: *laughing* “Got a problem over there?”
> 
> Me: “Sorry sir, *hiccup!*, I have the hiccups.”
> 
> Customer: “Oh, OK, well…DO YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE AND KILL YOU RIGHT NOW?!”
> 
> Me: “Um…uh…I mean…”
> 
> Customer: “Ha ha ha, I’m just kidding with you. I bet you don’t have the hiccups any more now, huh?”
> 
> ----------------------
> 
> Technical Support | Columbus, OH, USA
> Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”
> 
> Customer: “Hello?”
> 
> Me: “Hello?”
> 
> Customer: “Hello?”
> 
> Me: “Hello?”
> 
> Customer: “Hey Jon, check this out! The machine says hello back when I say hello!”
> 
> Me: “I’m not a machine, sir.”
> 
> Customer: “OH MY GOD, IT’S ADDRESSING ME!”
> 
> Me: “No, sir, I’m not a machine!”
> 
> Customer: “Oh… so you’re one of them human peoples?”
> 
> Me: “Yes, sir, I am a human peoples.”
> 
> ----------------------------
> 
> (I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)
> 
> Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”
> 
> Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46? TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”
> 
> Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”
> 
> Husband: “Mostly porn.”
> 
> Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”
> 
> Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”
> 
> Wife: “Why’s that?”
> 
> Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”
> 
> ----------------------
> 
> (I work at a Scottish import store that specializes in kilts. We mostly rent them out for weddings.)
> 
> Me: “Okay, guys, you’re all fitted up. Everything will be ready for pick-up the Thursday before the wedding.”
> 
> Customer: “Guys, you know what we have to do, right? We have to go commando! No wearing anything under the kilt!” *to me* “That’s the way to do it, right?”
> 
> Me: “Well, gentlemen, we don’t have a policy on that one way or the other. Personally, though, before you decide, I’d advise you to take a moment and consider ALL the implications of the word…’rental.’”
> 
> Customer: “What? But…oh…oh! Ewww!”
> 
> -----------------------------
> 
> Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I–”
> 
> Caller: “Yeah, I’ve heard all that already, sir, so I don’t need any more of your crap, okay?!”
> 
> Me: “Okay sir, what can I do to–”
> 
> Caller: “Look, buddy, my internet is down, and you need to get it up right now or I’m going to get your a** fired!”
> 
> Me: “Sir, I want to get this problem resolved for you just as soon as possible, but you need to–”
> 
> Caller: “I don’t need to do s***! That’s it! I want to speak to your supervisor. No, I want to speak to your supervisor’s supervisor! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF THE INTERNET!”
> 
> ---------------------------
> 
> Me: “…and your total comes to $4.45.”
> 
> Customer: “Well, I’m a close friend with the owner and he told me that you’ll hook me up with the drink.”
> 
> Me: “I’m sorry, unless he told me directly I can’t do that for you.”
> 
> Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”
> 
> Me: “Yes.”
> 
> (Coincidentally, Bob, the owner, shows up so I give him his usual coffee.)
> 
> Me: “Here you are, Bob!”
> 
> Customer: “Oh, so you can hook that jerk-off up with a free drink but not me?”
> 
> Me: “Sir, it’s not polite to call your close friend a jerk-off.”
> 
> ---------------------------
> 
> (I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)
> 
> Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”
> 
> Little girl: “Robert!”
> 
> Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”
> 
> Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”
> 
> ---------------------------------
> 
> 
>