Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic Dear J.K. Rowling, Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Sincerely, Anonymous Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985 Dear Windshield Wipers, Can't touch this. Sincerely, That Little Triangle Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead. Sincerely, BP Dear Saturn, I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Sincerely, God Dear Michael Jackson, You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but the benefits.... Sincerely, The Pope Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder Dear Nickleback, That's enough. Sincerely, The World Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids, Please make one for every skin color. Sincerely, Black people Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin Dear Mary, Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand. Sincerely, Joseph Dear Osama Bin Laden, Marco.... Sincerely, United States Dear World of Warcraft, Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity. Sincerely, Parents Everywhere Dear Anne Frank, Two can play this game.... Sincerely, Waldo Dear Batman, What was your power again? Sincerely, Superman Dear Customers, Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies Dear Global Warming, You're the best imaginary friend ever! Sincerely, Al Gore Dear Ugly People, You're welcome. Sincerely, Alcohol Dear Mr. Gump WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get.... Sincerely, Jenny Dear Katy Perry, I liked the kiss too. Sincerely, Justin Beiber Dear Haiti, Is it too early to ask what's shakin'? Sincerely, Seriously Going To Hell Dear Martin Luther King Jr. I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now? Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok? Sincerely, The Mayans Dear Snooki, GET BACK TO WORK! Sincerely, Willy Wonka Dear White People, Don't you just hate immigrants? Sincerely, Native Americans Dear iPhone, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User Dear Giant Spider on the Wall, Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go? Sincerely, Terrified Dear Trash, At least you get picked up... Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore Dear Man, It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant Dear Dr. Phil, Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first. Sincerely, Dr. Pepper